Only if...

Only if you knew what conflict was battling inside me
Between the dark and the light
Only if you knew the worst side of me
The side that makes me cringe
Only if you knew the struggles I face
The ones that take me out at the knee's
Only if i could just simply breathe
But the anxiety succeeds
Only if you knew how I feel sometimes
Everything that goes wrong is my fault
Only if you knew the feeling of complete brokenness
Shattered completely 
Only if I could understand why some days I just sit down and cry
It must be my brain
Only if I could feel so overjoyed
So much happiness I couldn't contain it
Only if you knew me.

Whoa..

It feel so weird to not have to go to school anymore...

Graduation

Today i graduate from BOCES :) I feel so accomplished!! and on the 23 I will be graduating from Homer  High School :) it's such a strange and exciting feeling :) After graduation i am leaving for Delta Lake Camp to work for the whole month of July!

well..

Welp Hershey Park was alright.. i loved riding the ferinheight!! and school is almost over i can't fricken wait!!!! :)

Senioritus.

SCHOOL WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME!!!!

Deal Breaker!!

i got a head band and it's really cute and itt was only $2!!! i love getting things for cheap that are cute, it's the best feeling in the world!! :) just throwing throwing that out there :P

For my english portfolio i am using an excerpt from an autobiography of Ansel Adams!!! He is my favorite photographer!!! :)

                                                                        Ansel Adams

Moonrise, Hernandez, New Mexico, 1941

Living: a Poem by Me :)

I am finally living for myself

Not for you

I won’t worry what you think of me or how you feel

You’re dead to me and that’s the truth

These months and years I’ve wasted chasing a ghost

A shell of you that you left long ago

But now I realize I deserve better than lies, fights, and sleepless nights

If you truly loved me then it would be me and only me you’d want

And you give up all the drugs, drinking, bi-sexual tendencies and atheism

You’d come back to God and stop running, surrendering your broken soul so that he can fix it

But instead you bruise and beat the ones that love you

You traumatized me but I loved you anyways

I gave myself and my morals up for you

I surrendered my soul to make sure yours was full of contentment   

Tell me if that makes sense to you!?

I don’t think I will ever feel comfortable with myself; my body, my weight

You stole a part of me

It’s still hanging on your sleeve, calling to me

Beckoning me to jump in and save it

But to do that I would be facing the devil because he has taken over you

Instead I’ll let you keep it and I will have God restore my soul

My peace of mind, my innocence and my beauty

So that I can finally look at myself and say you are beautiful! You are worth it! There is someone for you!

Patience is what I must have

Waiting is what I must do

Forgiveness is what I must feel

Because I am forgiven and even you are too.

A Fine Frenzy: Liar Liar

Liar, liar
You're such a great big liar
With the tallest tales that I have ever heard
Fire, fire
You set my soul on fire
Laughing in the corner as it burns
Right between the ribs is sinking in

Oh, the sirens sing so sweet and watched the sailors go down
Oh, oh, you talk to me in siren song
Yeah, anyone would drown
Anyone would drown

Sick and tired of this mad desire
Fluttering aside me like a hawk
Wire wire
Got my hands on wires
Will heaven help you when I get them out?

Right between the ribs
You'll feel it then

The sirens sang so sweet and watched the sailors go down
Oh, oh, you talk to me in siren song
Yeah, anyone would drown
Anyone would drown

All the ships go down
Following the sound
All the ships go down

Oh oh the siren sang so sweet and watched the sailors go down
Oh oh oh, you talk to me in siren song
Yeah, anyone would drown 

This is my life right about now...

thisishowifeel..

If you love someone let them go, if they come back then punch them in the face :)
 #notinagoodmood.

Blahblahblah.

soooooooooooo bored!!

English class

I'm sitting in english doing the portfolio.. meh

Screw This.

Just about done with people..

Young Men.

I am sick of being looked at as a piece of meat!! I'm a human with feelings not some trophy!! I may be physically attractive to you but you have to touch my heart and my soul before you ever touch my body..

A Fine Frenzy: The Beacon

You say your time has come

You're tired of waking up

Don't be obscene, I can't conceive of

Living without you

You say you drag me down

No one should want you now

I start to cry, you kiss my eyes and say

I'm not allowed to

Burning beacon in the night

Can't feel its heat, or see its light

That single solitary guide, it must get lonely there sometimes...

Yuppp this is my life right now..

Dave Grohl ♥♥♥♥ :)

 Ahh Dave Grohl :D I love him :) He is the lead singer of one of the most amazing bands ever; Foo Fighters. The music that Dave and the band makes is so easy for me to relate too and realistic. It's also very hardcore and makes you want to jump up and down and just rock out too. But they also have their soft songs which are awesome too and are perfect for those bummer days. I think the reason I love Dave and the band so much is because they're on so many levels. Keep on rocking guys! :)

Mayday Parade: Miserable At Best

Another editttt

Music.

An edit I just did :)

Headphone's.

When I put in my headphone's the world gets a little better.

It's only me, the music, and what passes by the bus window.

I'm in my own peaceful little world.

There's no one to fall in love with, so my heart is safe.

It's not perfect though because no place on earth is perfect.

There is still pain and sadness because that's still growing and living inside me.

Music is the way to my heart; sad or happy, rock or indie, dub-step or acoustic.

Even if my solace world is not perfect it helps me tune the real world out. 

when i put in my headphone's and the music starts playing i can feel my heart beating again.